Being out in the cold, moist air, coupled with exhaustion from the holidays, has made the perfect recipe for me to catch a cold that's kept me in bed since this afternoon.
There's nothing like being bed-ridden to catch up on TV and Facebook. I don't watch TV too often, but I think I've made some interesting mental notes:
Thanks to Bear Grylls, I know that if I'm trapped in the Sahara, I should take my shirt, piss on it, and put it on my head like an Arab head scarf. I guess walking through the desert with piss-soaked shirt on my head will keep my cool.
Bear also taught me that if I should get stranded in Iceland, I can cut the eyes off a dead sheep, boil them in geothermal water and eat them.
Watching The Karate Kid, I can't help but notice that Mr. Miyagi bears a strong resemblance to my dad.
I realized I know too many TV theme songs (Singing Bee). Just a typical child of the 80's.
Special thanks to Dateline NBC for its University of Terrorism course, "Obtaining a Fake Passport from Latin American Country 101."
With all the butter, milk, and cream that Paula Deen uses, some could arguably call her a cow.
Rachel Ray is way too intense about food. She needs to be tasered.
Univision = Unibrow. Seriously, take a look at some of those old people on the telenovelas.
Surprisingly, Tiger Week on the Golf Channel is cool. The man has amazing abilities.
29 December, 2007
25 December, 2007
Christmas Insomnia
Merry CHRISTmas!!!
Maligayang Pasko!!!
Feliz Navidad!!!
It's about 2 am of Christmas morning and I can't fall asleep. But then again, I always had a hard time falling asleep on Christmas Eve... maybe it was my anticipation waiting for Santa that kept me awake year after year. Old habits are hard to break.
The child inside me is still waiting for Santa to come bearing now what should be a total of 19 gifts that are due to me. I was always afraid growing up that he'd miss my house because we didn't have a chimney, but now he has no excuse 'cause my new house has a fireplace.
I've been a great boy all these years, well, minus a few years in college, but I should at least get 15 presents!
From the looks of things, my back order from Santa's workshop will most likely not be filled this year. From what I hear, he's had a tough season. His elves in senior management were discovered to be be pilfering his supply of Nintendo Wiis and selling them from their pick up trucks in Wal-Mart parking lots.
Just when Santa thought his troubles were over, he discovered it wasn't a great idea to sign that NHELFTA treaty (that's the Northern Hemisphere Elf Free Trade Agreement for those not in the know) and start outsourcing the elves' work to poor and starving children in China. Though the Elves' Union campaigned hard against Santa's "Made by Children For Children" platform, Santa decided to move all toy production to China. The latest reports from China show that Santa has had to issue safety recalls on all his toys and little Chinese children (or elves, it's always hard to tell them apart) are burning Santa portraits on the streets of Shanghai.
Okay, I digress...so, back to me and my inability to fall back asleep. I thought the great chicken curry I had for dinner would make me snooze, but it didn't. So, I decided to go to midnight mass at the Shep--lucky I got there early because apparently my parish (which I do love many--not most, but many, of the people there) does not realize that a midnight mass should, in fact, be at midnight. Otherwise, it should be called the 11 pm mass that it--in reality--turned out to be. I might not be the smartest guy in the world, and God help me next year because now I'll have to call a parish and ask, "What time is your midnight mass?"
As I drove home I began to contemplate the growing list of inabilities faced by many Catholics--
the inability to read the Bible,
the inability to speak Latin properly,
the inability to sing,
the inability to follow natural family planning,
the inability to sit, kneel, stand during the correct moments,
the inability to create a prayer circle,
the inability learn hand movements to songs,
the inability to clap to songs in unison,
and now, (drum roll please...) the inability to tell time properly.
Anyway, I thought that mass would surely help me fall asleep, especially the homily (or sermon, to you non-Catholics), based on the simple fact that it's proven successful to do it 9 of 10 times on any given Sunday. And go figure... this was the one in 10 that was a fluke and the homily was actually interesting.
In the last few hours since I've been home, I've cruised Facebook, watched the Pope celebrate mass from the Vatican, and multiple scenes from the marathon showing of "A Christmas Story." (which only irritated me and didn't help me fall asleep.)
Now, I decided to update my blog, which I hadn't done in a while. I figured that if I needed to fall asleep, writing about my boring life should do the trick.
Maligayang Pasko!!!
Feliz Navidad!!!
It's about 2 am of Christmas morning and I can't fall asleep. But then again, I always had a hard time falling asleep on Christmas Eve... maybe it was my anticipation waiting for Santa that kept me awake year after year. Old habits are hard to break.
The child inside me is still waiting for Santa to come bearing now what should be a total of 19 gifts that are due to me. I was always afraid growing up that he'd miss my house because we didn't have a chimney, but now he has no excuse 'cause my new house has a fireplace.
I've been a great boy all these years, well, minus a few years in college, but I should at least get 15 presents!
From the looks of things, my back order from Santa's workshop will most likely not be filled this year. From what I hear, he's had a tough season. His elves in senior management were discovered to be be pilfering his supply of Nintendo Wiis and selling them from their pick up trucks in Wal-Mart parking lots.
Just when Santa thought his troubles were over, he discovered it wasn't a great idea to sign that NHELFTA treaty (that's the Northern Hemisphere Elf Free Trade Agreement for those not in the know) and start outsourcing the elves' work to poor and starving children in China. Though the Elves' Union campaigned hard against Santa's "Made by Children For Children" platform, Santa decided to move all toy production to China. The latest reports from China show that Santa has had to issue safety recalls on all his toys and little Chinese children (or elves, it's always hard to tell them apart) are burning Santa portraits on the streets of Shanghai.
Okay, I digress...so, back to me and my inability to fall back asleep. I thought the great chicken curry I had for dinner would make me snooze, but it didn't. So, I decided to go to midnight mass at the Shep--lucky I got there early because apparently my parish (which I do love many--not most, but many, of the people there) does not realize that a midnight mass should, in fact, be at midnight. Otherwise, it should be called the 11 pm mass that it--in reality--turned out to be. I might not be the smartest guy in the world, and God help me next year because now I'll have to call a parish and ask, "What time is your midnight mass?"
As I drove home I began to contemplate the growing list of inabilities faced by many Catholics--
the inability to read the Bible,
the inability to speak Latin properly,
the inability to sing,
the inability to follow natural family planning,
the inability to sit, kneel, stand during the correct moments,
the inability to create a prayer circle,
the inability learn hand movements to songs,
the inability to clap to songs in unison,
and now, (drum roll please...) the inability to tell time properly.
Anyway, I thought that mass would surely help me fall asleep, especially the homily (or sermon, to you non-Catholics), based on the simple fact that it's proven successful to do it 9 of 10 times on any given Sunday. And go figure... this was the one in 10 that was a fluke and the homily was actually interesting.
In the last few hours since I've been home, I've cruised Facebook, watched the Pope celebrate mass from the Vatican, and multiple scenes from the marathon showing of "A Christmas Story." (which only irritated me and didn't help me fall asleep.)
Now, I decided to update my blog, which I hadn't done in a while. I figured that if I needed to fall asleep, writing about my boring life should do the trick.
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